Children of War
by The Braided Shinigami
Summary: Heero Yuy's outlook after the end of Endless Waltz, a continueing story that deals with the lives of the 5 young pilots and how they handle their new lives outside of the gundams.
1. Default Chapter Title

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Disclaimer: Gundam belongs to the following for various reasons:

Yoshiyuki Tomino - Creator of Gundam

Anime Villiage- Gundam in English! 

Bandai, Sunrise , Asahi, & Sotsu - Gundam Publishers

Kadokawa Shoten - Publisher many Gundam Books

'The war is over…this time for good…' I think to myself as I disappear into the crowd. 'They won't find me now…can't drag me into something…' People brush up against me, push past me, I'm just a kid to them. A normal kid…If they only knew all the blood on my hands. I look up at the sky. 'So beautiful…why didn't I notice it before? To busy I guess.' I notice a tired feeling in my body, that's nothing new. 'I was born tired' I think…I've been tired since I can remember. Why do I have to be tired now? There is no war…No Problems…but what do I do? I've never been this free, this alone…I never expected to live through the war. Never thought about what I'd do… 'All I know is the life of the soldier…a soldier. What is that anymore? There are no soldiers…Zechs…he's a soldier…but he's gone now…with Noin. Noin…she was always there, for him, with him…But who's there for me? Relena?' I smile at the thought, I look around, it's night now. I've been walking for hours. I stop; I just stop and look around me. I know where I am…but I'm still lost. For the first time in my life, I'm lost. I don't have any mission. Wing no longer points out my enemies…my enemies…did I ever really know who they were? So many deaths…Is this the end of the path that Wing showed me? I don't think so…it's just the beginning. My life…it's finally my life. But still what do I do?

It's raining now. Really pouring. Cold too. I barely notice. No time to stop. I continue to walk down the near deserted street. I glance in the window of a shop, a gun shop I notice. I know guns…I walk in, meeting the frigid chill of an air conditioner set on high. I start to get goose bumps from the cold, my wet clothes not helping much. I glance up at the shopkeeper; he turns and notices me…a snarl is on his face.

"Get out of here kid! You can't be in here!" I stare at him blankly…a kid? Me? I feel ancient…a few thousand years at least.

"Didn't you hear me kid? I said get out! Go back to school or something!" School? I went to school, the teacher's didn't like me…I already knew what they were going to teach. I didn't like it that well either. I glance at him a moment longer, then walk out. I could go to school…but I wouldn't be welcomed. I'm a soldier after all. Just a soldier…to strong to be killed, to dumb to just give up and die. Die…death. How many times have I killed? To many I think. I have to get a job, do something. I'll survive. I'm a soldier after all, the Perfect Soldier. I can't feel, can't care…Hmmm…I wonder what the others are doing now…Quatre…probably went home to his family. Trowa probably went with Quatre…or back to the circus. Wufei…ah Wufei…the only one I think ever really understood me…maybe Duo did…Duo…that baka Duo…always laughing. I wonder if he knew his mask didn't fool me. I think that would hurt him…to know he didn't fool me. He tried so hard…A flash of light invades my vision, the rough texture of brick against my skin. A mugger behind me holds a gun to my back, wanting my money. Funny…what's money? I never had any. Never had a need to…till now. Again he asks for money. I tell him I have none…he sounds upset at this, and cocks the gun. I'm not afraid. Never been afraid of death. I should pay more attention to my surroundings. I'm losing my touch. Soldier instincts kick in, adrenaline rushing through my veins. I spin away from him and the gun. On impulse my hand lunges out as I grab his arm and twist…**_snap_**…I hear the sickening wet sound his bone breaking. I feel nothing for him. Nothing to feel. Just instinct. I bring my knee into his solar plexus. He doubles over with pain. I see him cough up blood, staining the sidewalk with crimson red. My elbow bounces off his back, he falls to his knees. Poor sap. Picked the wrong person to mug. I grab him by his shirt and pick him up. Stare into his eyes. He's afraid, afraid of me. Of what I can do. He lets out a whimper, then goes silent. I drop his body, it lands on his stomach. I glance down. He's still looking up at me. I broke his neck. I didn't even realize I did it. I feel a warm wet substance on my hands, blood…his or mine? I don't know. A car is coming. I look at the body, then drag into the ally way. This will hide it. The car…it stopped. Someone is getting out…a man…about 6'1"…200lbs give or take a pound or two. I know this by his footsteps. I turn around my hand going for my gun. It's not there…it's on the ground where I was going to shoot Marimeia. To bad, I wish I had it. I was right. He's about 6', and muscular. A gun in his hand. Aimed at me. Jeez, what a day. I save the world and now every two-bit thug wants to start shit with me. That's fine. Go ahead. I stare at the man. I wait. "Nice work kid." There's that word again…kid. I'm not a kid. Nice work? What work? The man nods his head towards the body. So that's work? I thought it was death. Maybe that's who I am…death. I've killed enough to classify as death. 

"Where'd a kid like you learn to do that?" Kid…I'm not a kid. I'm ancient…tired…so tired…I'm not a kid I respond…I'm a soldier. 

"Soldier eh? For who? The boys scouts?" I'm a pilot…I flew a Gundam. 

"A Gundam?!?" I think this surprises him…why one so young would be able to pilot a Gundam...but I'm not young. I was born old. 

"Pilot or not, if you're that efficient at killing, we want you with us."

Who are you I wonder.

"You'll find out later. Come with me…"

I nod in agreement, having nothing better do to with my time. I don't trust him, but I follow him to his car anyway. I pick up the mugger's gun and slip it into my shorts. This is going to be an interesting car ride…


	2. Default Chapter Title

Children of War (Heero Part 2) Past Temptations

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The car ride was a short one. Little of importance was said during the ride. I stare forward at the seat in front of me. Barely breathing, barely moving at all. Do they notice? No. I see they don't. They don't trust me, but it's obvious they're not to smart. They watch the road, the cards. Everything but me. The man who got me remains silent. He's like me in a way. He's a soldier. He carries the air of one. Of one familiar with the face of death. He's like me…a soldier…looking for a mission. A mission, any mission, The mission. The one that makes us heroes or another toe tag. 

'Damn…when did I become so morbid. I'm sounding like Duo…Naw…I'm not that bad…not yet…'

A small, almost unnoticeable smile escapes my lips. Damn that braided boy. So frail, so weak, so stupid at times, but…so human…something I'll never be…after all I was created…not born…I'm no Heero Yuy…that name is a cruel joke the Doctors played on me and the Alliance. The Real Heero was born, born for peace…Me…I was bred for war. I'm the perfect soldier…None better…not even Zechs…Zechs, Milliardo…so hard to believe they're the same person…not those two…but they are…Two sides of the same coin…He's another I can't let go of…I barely beat him a year ago…He was good…to good…Damn…why can't I let them go? Wufei is rubbing off on me. Damn him and his superiority! Nataku indeed…for someone who constantly belittled women, he sure loved Nataku…you'd think they were married. I almost feel sorry for Sally…almost…Another smile comes to my face. So this is emotion…to bad Duo isn't here to see it…he'd never let me live it down! Duo…the only one who made me feel human…Quatre did a little, but not like Duo…I shouldn't have been so mean to him…but it's all I knew how to be…I think he knew…This is all new to me. Caring, remembering…I'll lose it again. Whoever these guys are…terrorists more then likely…but it's a mission so I can't complain. They'll bury this again; I'll bury this again. A soldier doesn't feel…doesn't hurt or care. That's why Zechs lost…he cared…That was his flaw…he cared. I didn't care…or maybe I did care…why did I do all of this if I didn't care? It was my mission. Is this my mission? But it'll mean more death…I have this feeling…Death…my only lover, friend, and companion. He's always there. Just out of sight…but close enough…I see that little girl…her teddy bear…It was her bear I found…I killed her…She was innocent. She was not the enemy…it was the mission…it had to be done…I'd have failed otherwise…But did it really have to be done…Yes, I answer. Yes…to save myself and complete the mission. Always the mission. The mission comes first…but she was innocent…It shouldn't have happened…not to her…she never knew…I hope wherever she is, she can forgive me. For killing her…maybe I wasn't meant to be a soldier…but what if Wufei was right…What of us soldiers…What of us…What are we…? I am a soldier…it was what I was born to be…nothing more, nothing less. My mission is my life…without it I'm not whole…not complete…

I glance over at the man next to me…He was a soldier…I see it in his eyes, the could calculating mind…the look is there…the look of one who lives for the mission. The Look of weariness and infinite fatigue…he looks at me as if reading my thoughts…He nods slightly as if in understanding…we share a common place in life…both of us lost in a world of peace…maybe Mariemeia was right…life is just an endless waltz…Peace, confrontation, war…the three phases, the three movements. The Waltz of Life…we soldiers live for the waltz…the chance of death…we are the soldiers of war…and I am a child of war…the others…they too are children of war…each a different face of the same circle…The Endless Waltz. My mind reels and spins with this, a circle of thought and confusion, spinning, twisting, turning. I look up from my thoughts, the car coming to a stop, the men in the front stepping out of the car and opening my door as well as the other man's. I slowly slide out of the back seat, my small body shadowed by the taller men. The two from the front seat stand at my flanks, the man from the back taking the lead as they lead me up a paved walk to a large brick house. 

The house isn't nearly as big as it looks from the outside. I step inside as the man flanking me on the right shuts the door behind me. I gaze around, the place is sparsely furnished, some of the furniture still under white sheets. The man net to m e motions for me to sit down on a faded blue couch. I hesitate for a second before sitting, the fabric molding itself around my body. For some reason I suddenly feel very tired, like I could shut my eyes and never wake up again. I shut my eyes for a second a brief second, and let the feeling of tiredness overwhelm me.

A few hours later I awaken, still on the blue couch. The soldier man is standing above me, a grin on his face. 

"Finally awake I see…"

Finally? How long have I been out?

"You've been out for almost two days. Hope you enjoyed your nap, because the real fun is about to begin."

I look up at him, my eyes holding his as I tell him to explain, to tell me what is this all about.

"The name's Jack Lone, formerly of the 327th Mobile Suit Division, now of the Black Talon."

I continue to stare up at him, almost in shock, thinking to myself 'How could this man want more violence…more death. Wasn't the war enough, wasn't Mariemeia enough to show us…?' I look into his eyes, deep in them, seeing into his thoughts and I understand. And in that understanding I realize I want this too. He is a soldier, one bred for this life. I too am a soldier, born for war, born to kill, a minion of death. But can't we change? Do we have to be soldiers? Do we have to kill and destroy? Yes, I tell myself. Yes we do. It's our life, our way. But do I want to return to that life? Of course you do I tell myself. You are a soldier. You live for the chance of death, of honor, of valor for your people. Your people? I have no people though. There is no more 'your people' anymore. There are the colonies and the World Nation. No countries, no boundaries, no borders. So what do I fight for? For the fight, for the action, the experience, and moment. But is it worth it. Is it worth the death of innocents for the sake of my joy? You've saved so many, what are a few deaths in comparison to your sacrifices? All life is sacred. Quatre taught me that. He always was the pacifist of our group. I wish he were here right now. Maybe he could help me…I look back up into the man's eyes, my mind made up. 

You're a terrorist I tell him. He nods, sadly, slowly, like he's ashamed. I understand. A soldier reduced to this. Destruction, mindless violence. This isn't a soldier's life. I stare into his eyes, mine full of understanding. In his eyes he smiles at my understanding. What do you want me to do I ask him.

"Get ready kid, because we're going to give the Preventers something to do."

My name's not kid I tell him. It's Heero…Heero Yuy.


	3. Default Chapter Title

Children of War (Heero Part 3)

Cries of the Silent

An explosion echoes behind me, the shock wave impacting me from behind as I run. Guns fire in the near distance, the shells clicking empty against the ground, the tiny jets of flame bright against the dark sky. The blazing bullets reflected in my cobalt eye, almost blinding me. Around me people scream in agony, then abruptly fall silent. I continue to run from the fiery buildings, the hot flames still licking at my skin, despite the distance I put between the flames and myself. Hot…so hot. The sweat pours off me, soaking my shirt, causing it to stick to my back. I look forward, seeing the chain link fence that I must scale. Must complete the mission. I feel the cool fence against my palms as I scale it, hooking my sneakered feet into the holes as I climb up, hurling myself over as the second set of explosions go off behind me. I flip and land on my feet, sprinting forward as I stop and roll along the ground, coming to rest on my back, staring up at the sky. I did it, mission accomplished. Then it comes back to me; the flash of memory hits me hard as it appears before my eyes. I was here before. This happened before. The little girl from before, and her dog. I'm lost I tell them. She tells me she's not lost, she's walking her dog. I killed her… She was so young, so innocent, and I killed her. Why did I do it? She wasn't in the mission. She was a contingency of war. A casualty. Does she know it was me? Can she forgive me for it? Do the innocent casualties forgive the sins of their murderers? Do we murderers have the right to ask for forgiveness for our sins? I'm not sure. I'm not a religious person, so sin means little to me. I stare up at the sky again, my mission completed…Peace, if only for a few days, has ended. Confrontation has come, and soon the step of war will rear its ugly head. I as a solider, welcome war with open arms, but as a person, I begin to wonder if I'm some sort of monster. For loving war. For being a soldier. I slowly get to my feet and begin to walk away from the still raging fires, from the death and decay I have caused…now only if it was this easy to walk away from this life. 

I arrive at the meeting point, still ahead of schedule. I walk through a small grove of trees, waiting for my ride back along an old dirt road. I didn't even know they still existed. The sound of an old rusty motor fills the air as I look down the road. An old rusted black truck slowly drives up along the dirt road. I step back into the shadows of the tree grove, going out of direct view of the road. I sigh as the truck grinds to a halt, coming to a stop right in front of the grove. I stare at the driver…it's Lone…Overhead I hear the whining sounds of an engine roaring, a group of Preventer Aeries units moving into the area, flying towards the burning base. I wonder if Wufei is up there now. Or sally. I wonder if they remember me. If it's them they'll remember my style soon enough. I sprint out of the trees, running to the truck. I launch myself over the side of the truck, landing in the bed as Lone guns the engine, and peels down the road. Bits of gravel, rock and dirt fly up into the air, pelting the truck and me. The dust and dirt begin to get sickeningly thick around me a Lone pressed the gas down further, accelerating at speeds that surprise me given the apparent state of the truck. The sound of another Aeries fills the air overhead. I glance up, looking for it. I spot it flying towards us, the sleek black designed mech blocking out the sun. 

'Shit.' I think as I take tap the driver side window and signal Lone to speed up. The truck amazingly goes faster yet as we shoot towards the forest surrounding the base. The tall trees block our view of the Aeries and all sunlight, hopefully blocking the Aeries's sight of us. 

Hours passed in the time since they had escaped from the Aeries. 

' Funny' I thought, 'Last week they'd have been running from me, not the other way around.' 

We had arrived back at the safe house safely after the Aeries incident. The truck we had abandoned in a small late, watching it sink below the murky water. 

'It could be found' I thought. 'They could trace the truck. We should have blown it up.' 

'But I'm a soldier, we take precautions, it shouldn't matter. The Preventers can't find us.' 

Lone coughs abruptly, trying to get my attention. I glance up at him from my seat on the couch. He gives me a questioning look. Just thinking I tell him. He nods knowingly, still with the questioning look. I shake my head, not wanting to discuss my thoughts with him. I sigh softly to myself as I lay my head back, falling asleep. Sleep…why does this come so hard for me…never peaceful, never restful, always troubled…Images of explosions and fire fill my mind, sounds of death, of paint and suffering come to me…so real…I can feel the flames, the heat…I watch as I see myself…watch myself level a gun at a woman's head

'Who is she?' 

I watch myself fire the gun, a splash of crimson exits the back of her head as I fire another round into her already dead body.

'How unefficent.' I think to myself, one was enough, conserve ammo when possible.

I wake…

'Am I really that cold? Did I really do that? Kill that woman like that? Am…am I a monster?' 

I open my eyes and find the barrel of a gun leveled at my head, the man behind the gun is Wufei…

"Come on Heero…you're done…"

The safety flicks off, a round being chambered. I then notice the other members of the Preventers…

'We've been caught…Shit…and today was going so well too…'

I slowly stand, Wufei keeping the gun aimed, the proper soldier way.

"When are you going to learn we soldiers have no right or place in this world Heero? You should have joined us when you could."

"I don't believe in your right or justice Wufei," I tell him. "I believe in war…I believe in the soldiers…Justice is just our excuse for living…"


End file.
